i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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