I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
