Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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