you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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