I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
