I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Nicole vs. Life
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
