I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
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