There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
