isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
