I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize