My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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