how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
