found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize