I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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