I got chris browned last night
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I wish life had little blips of pornography
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
