He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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