People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
