no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
