Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
