you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
