Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
