If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
