i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Randomize
