The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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