if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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