3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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