he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
