were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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