How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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