just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
