Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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