Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just found a bag of teeth...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Randomize
