I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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