Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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