I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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