You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
