I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
