discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
