hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just took my morning after pill in the library
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
