I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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