I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
