Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
God, I missed his penis.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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