Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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