I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I deserve this hangover.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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