He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
