The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
