When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
