I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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