Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
