if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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