Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
