dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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