Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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