Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
