She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just forgot I was standing up.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
