I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
