I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
