I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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