piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
