i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
