If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Mom said you looked used
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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