it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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