Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
