While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
