Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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