i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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