she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
