Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
