i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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