Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
