Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
bring money and cleavage
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
