I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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